The fantastic cooking fighter TK!
by Uncle.Dragon
Summary: TK goes off on a mission to save the Afterlife's seafood supply from a Merlion! Join him as he reveals his secrets! TK crackfic!


The fantastic cooking fighter, TK

TK never said it, but he was actually a fantastic cook.

Whenever he was not dancing, he would be in the kitchen with his partner and fellow gourmet, Matsushita.

TK was in the kitchen, preparing food for tonight's feast. He was carefully arranging some parrot feathers on the salad as Yusa entered the room and told him that Yuri, affectionately known as Yurippe, had called for him.

Soon, TK was in front of Yuri's office. Yuri insisted on talking through the door, as she is currently molesting an unconscious and naked Kanade Tachibana.

"TK. A sea monster has appeared and is endangering the battlefront's food supply. I am sending you, Matsushita, Takamatsu, Fujimaki and Noda to handle this." Yuri explained.

"Kinky fishing! Alright, Ok, turn around here we go!" TK replied in another one of his nonsensical phrases.

"The sea monster is not far away from the island. I have contacted the Guild to prepare a speedboat, some guns and some swords for you guys to use. I hope that you will be successful."

TK then went back into the kitchen to prepare for the epic battle that awaited. Bandana on head, a VSSE handgun and knife in hand, TK set out to kill the fearsome beast that wanted to deny him the joy of cooking.

TK marched down to the beach, where he meets up with his teammates. Then a usually half naked Takamatsu, raised his sword and cried out.

"Evil sea monster…! I will defeat you so everyone on the battlefront can live happily ever after, basking in my body's beautiful aura!"

Matsushita, TK, Fujimaki got on the boat, Noda caught up after sticking Takamatsu headfirst in the sand. Staring up the engine, the party sailed off to find the monster.

The boat has moved about fifty meters and still no sign of the sea monster, Noda kept looking back at the beach, where Takamatsu's head is still buried.

"Something is wrong…" Noda murmured seriously.

But soon, they noticed that the boat wasn't moving as quickly as it should be. Fujimaki looked into the water and yelled out as he saw the cause - hundreds of mackerel were trying to push the boat back to the shore!

All of them raised their weapons and readied themselves for battle - fighting them off wouldn't be an easy task. But TK was determined to let nothing stop him!

TK's eyes beneath his bandanna shone with determination.

The mackerels must have noticed, because they suddenly jumped out of the water and straight at them. Other than Matsushita and Fujimaki, who were knocked overboard and eaten by the school of angry fishes (since Fujimaki can't swim, he got eaten first), TK and Noda barely managed to stay in the boat. One mackerel even tried to get into his pants, but Noda swatted it away with his halberd.

But the mackerels were not finished yet. They came at them again, this time from behind.

"…Cowards! Come back here and fight like a fish!" Noda shouted. This was war! He turned around and stared at the mackerels with an intense glare - so intense that several of them were dead within a second. The surviving mackerels quickly made their retreat, they knew better than to mess with an angry Noda.

"Crazy for you!" came another of TK's random phrases.

And so, TK started up the engine again. By now, he was more determined than ever. He would defeat that sea monster. That horde of mackerel probably was its doing as well…

Soon, Noda spotted a big, dark shadow in the water. Could it be the sea monster?

Noda stared at the big shadow in the water beneath him for a while. Then he poked it with his halberd. The halberdier and chef quickly moved their boat back a bit, just in time to avoid being hit by the monster as it rises up the surface.

The sea monster was a Merlion, bigger than the biggest pudding TK ever had made, bigger than the biggest piece of meat he had prepared in the oven. And TK had made some really big puddings during his career. In short, the monster was enormous!

"Sea monster, stop blocking the way!" Noda shouted.

"Meeoowrr! (Not without a fight,)" the monster roared.

And so, the epic battle between cook, halberdier and Merlion began. Though it was not a battle without rules, like simple brutes would have had it; each of them waited calmly for the other to finish their attack before they attempted one themselves.

The epic battle lasted seven days and five nights – Noda, TK and the Merlion decided to spend two nights sleeping, so those were not counted. Food was no problem for the Merlion. TK caught fish with Noda's halberd and them fried them using only his heat beam eyes concealed under his bandana (Noda was of course, freaked out when he found out about TK's heat beam eyes).

At last, the battle concluded with the defeat of the sea monster. Because TK was a merciful and kind individual, he let the Merlion live. It quickly swam away to terrorize an island where a rival cook worked.

Noda quickly rowed the boat back to the beach with his halberd (because the boat ran out of fuel) and TK reported to Yuri. That evening, dinner was particularly delicious.

But was the Afterlife School truly safe again? Only time would show...

**Moral of the story – you don't mess with the TK, especially if you are a Merlion reading this, and bring a halberd with you at all times.**


End file.
